Back Up Off My Blog, Yo!

What's Happening at drueklinowski.com? Here it is!

2010-06-28T14:49:00.001-04:00

I can't let this blog space go to waste. Here's whats new at my new site!
(many links have been blown out, so please visit new site for full experience!!)

http://www.drueklinowski.com/

Some outstanding items for this week and some fresh news on new releases and bands about town.

Last week was I very involved with other things and only partially completed the content I intended to post. Therefore, we have some bonus stuff coming up this week!!!

New Reviews in the Hopper:

The Charlie Watts Riots “Long Story Short” : My latensss should work out for everyone on this, because the album is now conveniently available on iTunes! No worrying about where you can find that pesky, outdated CD format when you can simply download it! Review is first in line to be finished up! These guys bring some Beatles/Superdrag inspired power pop thats sure to blow your doors off!

The Like “Release Me” : This all girl trio/quartet – depending on the day – has just release their second studio album and it features somewhat of a shift in style. Make no mistake, this shift is great. 60′s style chick rock with Farfisa and hand claps…and they couldn’t be cuter!

*The Like kick off their UK tour in August hitting both the Leeds and Reading Festivals followed by about a dozen dates across jolly ol’ England (not to mention Ireland and Scotland)

The Figgs “The Man Who Fights Himself” : I am ashamed of how late I am with this review since the band made a point of advancing me a copy all the way back about 3 months ago. As a bonus I will go ahead a include the new Mike Gent CD “Mike Gent” as well as Graham Parker’s “Imaginary Television” since these albums all came it me in one stack.

*The Figgs Next Schdules Show(s): Two “Homecoming” Events, but you have to wait til August:

08/06 Albany, NY – Linda Norris Auditorium (Record Release Show!)

08/07 Saratoga Springs, NY – Putnam Den (Record Release Show!)

New Releases on the way…:

The Doors guitarist Robby Kreiger’s instrumental album “Singularity” comes out June 29th (tomorrow) which will also give me the opportunity to tell the story of the time in 1993 that I met John Densmore (Doors drummer) and he was a complete dickwad to me! Exciting!

REISSUE: KISS ARMY!! Rejoice!! This week, in fact today June 28th, Mercury/UMe released reissued Vinyl Picture discs of all four SOLO albums by the members of Kiss. Ace Frehly, Gene Simmons, Peter Criss and Paul Stanley, respectively released self titled solo albums in 1978. The new vinyl reissue features liner notes and a fantastic picture disc!

REISSUE: Fans of 1980′s (and beyond) New Wave/alterna rockers XTC can pick up the reissued, 7″ vinly mini-box set of their 2005 release “Apple Venus Vol. 1″ I suppose mini-box isn’t really appropriate since it’s 13 discs!! Also featured are 3 new songs previously only available as digital downloads.

Other FUN STUFF:

Also, keep an eye on Palmdale as their exposure already grows. This past week we saw additional V-Blogs from Kay and Linus released on YouTube, more reviews and their video for “Here Comes the Summer” featured on MTVMUSIC.com. The duo is currently in the studio recording new material, I know so far “Mean” and “Things I Think About on Planes” are just about in the can. I should also mention last week there was a Leters To Cleo “reunion” show at club ROOF on the top of the Wit Hotel in Chicago! Those that attended tell me it was fantastic!

Finally, With all of the excitement and protesting going on in Toronto this weekend for thje G20 summit, who else would you expect to roll into town Saturday night but Ted Leo and the Pharmacists! These guys have had a rough two months lately including a somewhat rocky and tiring European tour, lost equipment due to our fantastic airline service (which resulted with Ted’s Gibson being retuned with a busted head) as well as recent van breakdowns, cancelled Canadian dates, rescheduled Canadian dates and even James Canty’s cell phone dropped in a full pint of beer. It really has been running the range of issues for Ted and the boys, so why not round it out with their June 26th date at Lee’s Palace in Toronto being mere blocks from the rioting and chaos on Queen Street. Fortunately, the band was safe and the gig went off without a hitch. Keep at it Ted, the fans understand it’s been tough to come out and see them lately!

*Ted Leo/RX Next scheduled show: July 1st at Dicken’s Pub Calgary, AB

(reposted from Not Guilty, click for link)

2010-06-25T13:21:00.000-04:00

Not Guilty posts some kickass material about lawyering, the law and things of that nature. I thought todays post was VERY interesting - particularly to help the average dolts (like me!) to continue educating themselves on what police are and are not allowed to do to the citizens of this great land. Perhaps this is too small a slice of this type of material to be comprehensive, so I direct you to Not Guilty for much much more. Better writing, better thinking than you get on my blog(s)

Also,. WTF??!!! I suddenly have access to the old blog again!! Please visit my new space: http://www.drueklinowski.com/

Re Post From Not Guilty:

In other news, the Baltimore City Police Department settled a case with the NAACP and ACLU for 'quality of life' crimes. A friend asked me "what is a quality of life crime" and I half jokingly replied "being black and sitting on your stoop in Baltimore city". That was before I read the article in the Baltimore Sun, which says that my half joke was actually no joke. Now, I knew about all of this because I represented people who did nothing more than sit on their front stoop, got arrested, got searched (incident to arrest) and had marijuana on them. Yes, marijuana is illegal. I know. And yes, I've also represented people who had crack on them. And yes, crack is illegal. But sitting on your stoop shouldn't be the basis for arrest. What it is is a pretext, just a reason to stop and round people up. Because you know, when black people are outside it could potentially affect your quality of life. Most of these cases got dismissed because the basis for the search was no good. So, at the end of the day, the cops didn't do anything except prevent a crack or pothead from taking a few puffs for a day or two. The circle of the life of crime continued unimpeded.

But, according to the article in the Sun, folks like Tyrone Braxton did nothing more than stand on a sidewalk. He didn't even have marijuana or crack on him. He spent 36 hours in Central Booking (probably the worst place on earth) before he was released. His charge was impeding the flow of traffic, because as humans we take up space and, um, when we stand somewhere people have to walk around us.

In 2005, the police made over 100,000 arrests (the Sun reports that is one arrest for every 6 people in Baltimore. FYI, Baltimore's population is 64% black)

In addition to giving a whopping $870,000 dollars for all plaintiffs (there were 13 who were brave enough to step forward and this sum includes attorney's fees and $240k for an independent auditor who will review the city's quality of life arrests over the next 3 years), the Baltimore Police agreed to implement new policies and reforms like not arresting people for ~~being black~~ low level crimes but issuing citations instead, and training the officers in the law and on the constitution. If you think I am kidding, you are mistaken. Let me repeat myself: The Baltimore City Police Department is implementing reforms. The officers are now going to get training on the law. Oh ye who reside within the Baltimore city limits, sleep well tonight. Your finest will soon know what the fuck they are doing! Governor O'Malley, who was Baltimore City Mayor at the time says this is really all no big deal, and that the settlement was not a rebuke. There, that should make you feel better, right?

I also wanted to follow up on my original post on the Maryland Wiretapping statute and the prosecutions. When I talk to people about this they are incredulous. Wait, what do you mean they can tape me but I can't tape them? Well, it seems that it is continuing to happen. Last week a woman was arrested for taping a police officer talking to other people in the neighborhood. Yvonne Nicole Shaw was standing about 12 feet away and was recording the officer's interaction with the neighbors. She says she wanted to show how the cops harass folks in the neighborhood. The officer confiscated her cell phone and when they played it back, they could hear their voices on the recording (remember, the statue only deals with audio, not video). Now, I'm not so good with numbers, but I'm assuming if you could be heard from 12 feet away then you probably weren't whispering. The prosecutor is quoted as saying:

"Cell phones are so pervasive," the prosecutor said, "that recording something that occurs in public raises a question of whether or not it's unlawful. If I'm convinced this was a public encounter that just happened to be recorded, I probably will not proceed with the prosecution. The facts will probably bear out that it was not a private one-on-one conversation."

Now readers, remember last week we talked about the fact that the statue covers those conversations where you have a reasonable expectation of privacy.? The prosecutor in this case answers his question by stating that the recording occurred "in public". If something happens "in public" do you have a reasonable expectation of privacy? I think not. Or, at least we citizens don't. And the prosecutor here seems to get it. But the fact is that Ms. Shaw was arrested, she was put into the system, and even if the case is thrown out she still has to follow up with getting it expunged so it doesn't show up on her record forever. If she applies for a security clearance she'll have to tell them about the arrest. It's not as if the prosecutor, in electing not to prosecute the case, puts Ms. Shaw in the position she was in before the arrest. Maybe the St. Mary's County police need to get on that training about the law that the Baltimore City Police are going to get.

Man, You've got to be kidding me!!

2010-06-23T08:55:00.000-04:00

After all that.....finally got my blog back!!

Please visit the new site:

http://www.drueklinowski.com/

Busy!

2008-11-28T09:00:00.001-05:00

I've been pretty busy lately....but will be back before Xmas.

-drue

FEB 2010 NOTE:
I HONESTLY THOUGHT I WOULD GET BACK TO THIS BLOG WHEN I POSTED THIS IN 2008. AFTER A LONG HIATUS, HAVING KIDS, MOVING AND BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF, I WAS REALLY ITCHING TO GET BACK TO POSTING HERE REGULARLY AS A CREATIVE OUTLET.
SINCE I DONT WANT TO REMOVE ALL THE OLD CONTENT, I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH AND PUT SOME NOTES ON THE POST THAT STILL SHOW, UNTIL THE NEW CONTENT PUSHES IT OUT. ODDLY ENOUGH THE FEW I SEE HERE ARE KIND OF RELEVANT AGAIN!!
-drue

Loving the Latest SPAM

2008-08-15T10:51:00.004-04:00

Feb 2010 Note: This was a real email, I swear.

I really am......checking my Gmail Trash-heap Junk-box Spam thingie is just a pleasure these days. I love the misspellings, randomly generated phrases and over-the-top awkwardness of these trash messages.

Like this one!

From: BERTRAND GOLABJAMUNFACE
TO: Lil Ol DRUESKI
SUBJECT: QuiCK!!!! Look HeRe NoEW FAg

Hola,Fuck beer!

Got sexy girl?Click here (link disabled for your own good)

Of authoritiesa parterre of kings in the empire shafts, them akaras, and kshatriyas, the deep foundation was laid, three years after his advancement virtue of our good deeds ascend thou to heaven. neither three rivers, nor the islands of sorel and satyavan sweetly said unto savitri, 'behold ofthe little inn were requisitioned to the utmost with fruitsand flowers?' cock and after thinking so and servants and guests, is truly lean and not on the box, the whip was cracked,and two sleepy from which that stream takes its rise. Speech the phrase the mentiri breasts had been substituted for as other washrooms are absolutely dry. Whatever the king causes chastisementto overtake all wicked these words from thy love, affection,and friendship.

AAAAAAhhhhhh.......pure poetry!!

News from Beijing

2008-08-14T15:52:00.004-04:00

Feb 2010 Note:
I wrote and submitted this for some comedy thing...dont remember what. It was not accepted so it landed here.

US, China Agree on Hot American P***y for Debt Relief Deal
by Nordmere Firmquat

Amidst the excitment of the Olympics, President Bush met with Chinese President Hu Jintao in Beijing today to finalize a debt relief plan that will greatly reduce the amount of money owed to China by the United States. The agreement, which Bush deemed essential to mitigating the United States' financial obligation to China, which has ballooned from $60 billion to over $500 billion since 2000, stipulates the conscription of five hundred American girls as "articles of prurient interest" for use by the Chinese for a period of one week.

"American girls so sexy," remarked Jintao.

White House Press Secretary Dana Perino revealed to reporters this morning that those scheduled to report for mandatory service have already been selected from photos culled from social networking sites including Myspace and Facebook as well as passport and school yearbook photos by a consortium of Chinese government officials and businessmen willing to forgive billions in US Treasury security holdings for less than a quarter of a month of sexual pleasure with a beautiful, preferably virginal, young American woman.

"We've got ourselves into a bit of a pickle here, and we're calling on a relatively small number of individuals to take one for the team, if you will," Perino said, "But the girls, and handful of boys, who have been chosen by our Chinese friends should view this duty as an honor and a privilege. Selected from a pool of literally millions of prospective candidates, these fine young Americans will be performing a great patriotic service to our country while having the opportunity to experience an exotic, foreign land."

Added Perino: "And as for the sex, I've been apprised that they'll probably barely feel a thing."

Despite the approbative speeches, many of those who've already been notified of their looming obligation are less than enthusiastic.

"I don't want to spend a week getting f--ked by some dirty Chinaman," said one buxom sixteen year-old girl, "I'd rather fill my vagina with fresh cement."

Though experts predict that the public outcry over this most recent debt reduction deal with an Asian world power will exceed that which followed last month's federal recall of 1 million pairs of pre-worn panties used to negotiate $100 billion worth of relief from the $620 billion owed to the Japanese, officials claim their hands were tied.

"The Chinese aren't really into used panties, and the only other alternative was to let them repossess the (aircraft carrier) USS Ronald Reagan and two nuclear submarines," an anonymous source disclosed, "These guys want pussy or boats, and, well, we're keeping our boats."

Can I just say....

2008-08-13T15:03:00.003-04:00

Feb 2010 Note: See below.

...I effing told you so about John Edwards!

I bet there is more........I BET.....there is more.

You'll see.

I'm frequestly correct about these things.......you'll see.

Just like I was correct when I joked about him looking like Austin Powers.

John Edwards Love Child

2008-08-07T11:23:00.006-04:00

Feb 2010 Note:
This post and the one above it were the crown jewels of this blog for several weeks. I had heard that this John Edwards story was going to drop any day now and and I went to town with it, then the National Enquirer was running with it and I was crazy. I was telling everyone about how John Edwards was about to be exposed as a huge piece of SH*T that cheats and lies....and no one was believing me. Even once the mainstream media caught on the reaction was still the same as what I had experienced. "No, he's religious." and "He'd have to be crazy to do that and have a kid...what. NO WAY" people just didnt believe it. I remember felling so vindicated by all of the stuff that finally came out on this because so many people had told me I was wrong and possibly headed into slander territory. I still think John Edwards is a piece of garbage and his wife should have left him closer to when this was posted as opposed to this past week. At this point I think the psychic John Edwards has more credibility than this guy...which doesnt say much if you know how I feel about psychics.

Have any of you been following this story?
Its so odd, none of the mainstream media is picking it up, but the National Enquirer is touting it as the next big break. I will say that the National Enquirer did break Monika Lewinsky and OJ news VERY early on...before some others picked it up. It is possible that they are onto something. It's just the rate at which this is happening is so slow. Finally, today we have some new news on this, and blurry photos. I was convinced that something was up here, but now with the crapy photos....I dont know. This is 2008 people...come on. My cell phone can take better photos than that, and dont tell me it a "micro-spy cam" that they placed someplace because I have seen VIDEO for a spy cam thats better than that! The photos look like something from a 1960's James Bond flick! Did the Enquirer snap these with a micro-fiche camera or something? Really.

Why didnt they mention the in-room photos of Edwards and the kid? They have been talking about catching him at the hotel for weeks...but no mention of the spy cam photos.

I think the National Enquirer is inching closer to a Frances Quinn Hunter-John Edwards blood test - taken with a 200-foot needle aimed from a very steady helicopter.

And whats with...

2008-08-07T07:00:00.000-04:00

the David Caruso blog?

I honestly appreciate the link, it's so very cool of them to do that....but I am lost as to whether they LOVE Caruso or Hate him? Are they Stalking him, or reporting on the stalkers?

Its all very confusing and amusing.......

What is going on here?

2008-08-07T06:47:00.000-04:00

....and by here I mean "in the world". Or maybe I just mean within 15 feet of me at any given time.

It has been a crazy, crazy summer people. World events aside, I have been extremely busy and running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Literally. At this point the chicken suit is getting very hot and stinky, the stage blood is all dried up and caked in my hair and I am just exhausted! Whew!

I have managed to solve my car issues - by buying a new car. Let me say this, the Honda Fit....it really is Go. They arent lying to you with those ads. It is Go, the very essence of Go. I just dont know which came first, the Fit or the Go. Its a bit of "chicken or the egg" if you know what I mean.

The twins are in the process of breaking the crawling-to-walking barrier. Exciting stuff....a step here....a step there. Pretty soon they'll be walking over to the computer, coming to this site and asking me what the hell I have been talking about for the past 5 years on this stupid thing!
I hope I can come up with a good answer.....

Ooops...gotta run!

Album (F)Art

2008-07-09T15:16:00.009-04:00

If you and I are lucky.....my twins sons will one day have a cool band!!

Its every twins father's dream.......

Yes, yes....I do realize that "The Twins" has been used before....but do any of us consider a shitty German pop duo or a smokin' hot Hong Kong female Cantopop act to be strong enough to prohibit my sons from creating (what Rolling Stone will call) a post-punk-power-emo-trance-hardcore-prog-metal-electro-house-swing-thrash-lounge-ska-polka-calypso-acoustic-bluegrass-juggling act?

I think not!!

Rock on, Twins!

"Pre-Clashifyed Photo"

Goodbye Carlin

2008-06-23T16:10:00.004-04:00

In the past I have expressed my feelings on this blog about celebrities, particularly comedians, passing away.....it always sucks when someone you have enjoyed watching work for years passes away. George Carlin is no exception, in fact, he has SO much importance outside of comedy....but the one thing that can sum up Carlin's importance in and out of comedy is this:

From Carlin's timeline found at http://www.georgecarlin.com/ :

October 30, 1973 -

WBAI-FM radio in New York plays "Filthy Words" cut from "Occupation Foole" album. Lone professional moralist complains to FCC which issues a Declaratory Order against station. Station goes to court.

Everything since this happened on October 30, 1973 has created what I call "The battle for free speech" - effecting radio, TV, journalism, comedy, the internet, news and just about anywhere else that people are struggling for freedom of speech and freedom of expression. If you are not familiar with F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation you should check it out.

I'm not going to ramble on anymore about this....its just a shame that it all ends in death. I read about this in the newspaper....it seemed so flat and non-eventful. I am always suprised at that, whether its a person I have known or someone I have not....when death comes its sudden and quiet. Doesnt matter how prepared you are....hmm.

Rush Limbaugh likes 12 year old boys.

2008-06-13T10:21:00.003-04:00

Michelle Obama "Whitey" Rumor:

Rush Limbaugh claimed a tape exists of Michelle Obama using the word ‘whitey’ from the pulpit of Trinity United church. Obamas campaign started a website to stop smears like this one.

The real issue here is: Who listens to ANYTHING that Rush Limbaugh says anymore?? He is nothing more than a loud-mouth drug addict on the radio! Have people forgotten that he illegally obtained prescription drugs like oxocodone and hydrocodone in a doctor shopping scheme? I guess the SECOND time he was busted with illegal drugs (Viagra) has been forgotten as well! And let not get into his "erotic vacations" - which probably explains why he has been unable to keep a relationship going with a woman! T

This snippet says alot, I give no citation and make no personal claim that I am a journalist, but I believe this paragraph is closer to the truth about Rush than any comment he has ever made on his show. He is a drug addled sex pervert....

"There are plenty of adult prostitutes here in the U.S.A. and Rush is rich enough to pay for pretty much any strange, perverted request. Travelling to another country tells me that his sick desires have crossed some line that is so horrible that only a third world country can satisfy them. 12 year old boys? It’s time to put the monster behind bars where he belongs."

Yet people still believe anything this drug addicted, sex predator, lunatic has to say about anything? I would be more apt to believe Charlie Manson before Rush!

News Scan!

2008-05-21T16:50:00.003-04:00

Some quick music new for you...

Hannah Montana (AKA Miley Cyrus) is set to release her first full length album under her own name. The truly interesting thing about this is the fact that even Miley Cyrus ISN'T HER REAL NAME!!

Her given name is "Destiny Hope Cyrus" which, if you ask me, is just as annoying as Miley Cyrus.

I just wanted to point out the fact that we have reached the point in 2008 where a "star" is giving up her fake-ass Disney name in the interest of "being herself" and "doing her own thing" in the hopes that she can " show some skin, get laid, blow a bunch of guys and money and eventually end up a psychological wreck like Brittany"

.....for the record I voted for 'Destiny Nevada" but the others on the Disney board said it
was "too porno".

in other news....

Smoking hot Scarlett Johannson has an album out...it's called "Anywhere I Lay My Head"
which refers to the lap of the record executive who wrote this deal. Lucky prick.

The word most associated with this album right now is one that we have NEVER seen in the same sentence as Scarlett Johannson's name...."FLAT"

and finally......I'm out!!

(damn my news scan skills are horribly rusty!)

Say something....

2008-04-09T20:28:00.002-04:00

A friend recently asked me to make better use of this blog. He says I continually make empty promises of more posts, funnier material, website ovehauls etc. and I never deliver. Which is totally true and reminds me of the Kevin McDonald character "Dean" from Kids in the Hall. I guess I should put "It slipped my miiinnnd....." into every post following my empty promises. So, I've been told that "just saying something" here on a daily or semi-daily basis will bring back interest in this blog as well as interest from friends and keep me from fading into some World Wide Web dead letter office. That is, if my friend is correct.

That being said, I'd like to talk about something really cool. Your rights. Well, all of our rights. I have made mention of our rights on this blog in the past, namely free speech and things of that nature. Remember this? (see third letter down)

Today I want everyone to direct their attention to Dean (Dino) Cameron. You may know Dean Cameron because he played Chainsaw in Summer School (1987) - but Dean's acting career is not our focus (despite appearance in both The Facts of Life and Alf) A few years ago he got the idea to make playing card size copies of the Bill of Rights printed on metal with the 4th Amendment (search and seizure) printed in red. It's called "Bill of Rights, Security Edition," and it's made for people who frequently fly on airplanes and love their rights. It's an awesome idea. It sets off the metal detectors and when you get stopped for additional searching you can tell the security person, "That's my rights. You must have detected my rights. I guess you will have to take them away now!" Of course, making a big stink about your rights being taken away by the security people is great, but the reaction from the people behind you is not. Well, it could be good. It could really go either way, they might laugh and applaude you or there may be a massive crush of people all trying to strangle you for holding up the line. Either way there will be a reaction.

My good buddy, good pal, Penn Jillette got the first shipment of them back in 2002 or so and had a great time trying this thing out. I can't think of a better person to do this. Penn had the idea that, since they will take and then return the card you should refuse to take it back and suggest that the security person keep it for later reading. No matter how you use the BOR Security Edition, even if it's just between you and the security person taking your rights away at that moment, it will have an effect. There is nothing wrong with a low-key protest move.

So, Dean Cameron has a website where you can buy these 1 for $4, 3 for $10 - he has a few different packages, they take Paypal. I guess if you are leaving them behind you might want the frequent flier rates. It's a great leave behind, a great gift for Dad, a great statement. As Dean's wesite points out, with the current state of affairs, making a big stink is no longer advised. Small comments might be a better idea. I don't think your wife wants to miss that vacation to Hawaii because you decided that airport security was the time and place for you to make your stand on politics...but the more of these little cards that get out there the better. Even if you are like me and there is little chance you'll be flying any time soon, just use the Security Edition as a gag at parties, a conversation piece. People will love it!!

So there we have it, I posted something....it's good content. Maybe not as funny as some would like, but I think it's a worthwhile post.

As for that website overhaul I have been promising?

"Will do."

In case you were wondering....

2008-03-19T12:23:00.002-04:00

(and since they haven't been mentioned in a while / barely ever)

Yes, I am father to these two little jokesters!!

Not to be all parent-y...all goofy and gushing over them....but aren't these little dudes just the cutest!?

Unfortunately they will only be working with the tools I have given them....which I believe are the genetic equivalent of a hollow plastic hammer, a corkscrew and a rusty cheese grater.

Obama Robes Controversy..or is it!

2008-02-26T08:03:00.000-05:00

US Democratic front-runners Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have traded accusations over a photo of Mr Obama circulating on the internet. The picture, sent to the Drudge Report website, shows Mr Obama wearing traditional Somali dress during a visit to Kenya in 2006.
The website said it was circulated by Mrs Clinton's staff but her team denied they had sanctioned its release.

This comes as the rivals campaign for two crucial primaries next week. Analysts say Mrs Clinton needs to win the contests, in Texas and Ohio, to remain in the race to choose the Democratic candidate for November's presidential election.

With tempers fraying ahead of a crucial debate in Ohio on Tuesday, the former first lady highlighted Mr Obama's lack of foreign policy experience during a speech in Washington.
Reminding the George Washington University audience of her own international credentials, Mrs Clinton suggested her rival would need a "foreign policy instruction manual" to keep the country safe if elected. Obama has responded to this with a very flip "What a c*nt. She should be so lucky to have a family with rich traditions. "

Fear-mongering
The photograph published on Monday shows Mr Obama - whose father came from Kenya - wearing a white turban and a white robe presented to him by elders in the north-east of the country.
Dirty tricks or a fuss about nothing? In November 2006 at the APEC summit, George W. Bush announced that he is actually a Viet Kong sympathizer, even going so far as to dress in traditional VietNam robes...see?

Bush later threw American babies into a pit of Punji sticks

The Drudge Report said the Obama image had been circulated by "Clinton staffers" as a smear. To which the Obama camp responded "Yeah, Hillary can't help from smearing stuff...it's the Clinton way. Just look at Bill. He smeared that girl all up with DNA! In fact, Barack is going to have the Oval Office gone over with a black-light before he takes office. Between Clinton's smears and Bush's inability to wipe his ass, who knows whats in there!"

Addressing the issue briefly in an interview with a Texas radio station, Mr Obama also said: "I think the American people are saddened when they see Hillary. What a fucking BAG, am I right? She's such a road-whore...makes margaret Thatcher look like Heidi Klum! Mmmmm. Heidi Klum, I'd like to break a piece off of that! ....and I know she loves the brothers!"

Some Clinton aides have tried in the past to suggest to Democrats that the Illinois senator's background might be off-putting to mainstream voters. A campaign volunteer was fired last year after circulating an email suggesting, falsely, that Mr Obama was a Liza Minelli fan and loved the Broadway production "Rent", sacasticaly pointing out "...but he's not gay or anything".

Obama's campaign manager, Dave Poof, accused Mrs Clinton's aides of "the most shameful, offensive fear-mongering we've seen from either party in this election". The accusation was dismissed by Mrs Clinton's campaign manager Maggie Waggie. "If Barack Obama's campaign wants to suggest that a photo of him wearing traditional Somali clothing is divisive, they should be ashamed," she said. "Hillary Clinton has worn the traditional clothing of countries she has visited and had those photos published widely." Yet after an extensive internet search, we only found these...hardly international, Hillary!

Hillary sporting the traditional "1950's sweater-set look", The Fonz approves.

Clinton sporting the "Queen Elizabeth"

In Monday's speech, the New York senator characterised Mr Obama as a rash and inconsistent politician with the same sort of inexperience that President George W Bush had when first electeted. Clinton then realized that Bush has been President for the past 8 years based upon that inexperience and quickly shut the fuck up.

Commentators suggest Mrs Clinton needs strong victories in both Ohio and Texas to keep her White House campaign alive. But several polls suggest she is screwed already.
The Illinois senator is leading in Texas for the first time, according to a CNN poll, with 50%, compared to 46% for Mrs Clinton. Mr Obama has won 11 consecutive primaries and caucuses in recent weeks, and is now seen as the Democratic front-runner...regardless of robes, bitch!

Psssk! Radio 411 sent me.

2008-01-18T12:53:00.001-05:00

I've been noticing alot of traffic from Radio 411 lately and I'd like to say to those visitors...

Email me. I'm more than willing to help out. ( drueklinowski(at)gmail.com )

The Radio 411 site is still touting Back Up Off My Blog, Yo as a place to come to get material from a willing source, but in the past few months we've all seen my blogging efforts drop down to a mere trickle....however I am here and willing to help you. Email me.

Until things change on this site (see previous post....) your best bet is to shoot me an e-mail.

Thanks!!

Good Morning Metro NY readers

2008-01-18T07:39:00.000-05:00

Page Two:

It's all about me and Sly Stallone sharing some space.

Dust

2008-01-04T11:03:00.000-05:00

Phhhewwww. Phhhhh. Eh, dusty. Man.

Phhhheeeeewwwwwwwwwww.

Sorry about all the dust, gang. I know I've been away and let things get dusty and rusty. You know, I once knew some guys named Dusty and Rusty....but that was in a past life. I don't wear leather chaps and a motorcycle hat anymore. At least, not out to bars.

How have we all been? Great! Me too. Holiday went well...blah blah blah. There really is no point in recapping together since this is a one-way conversation!! I'll just assume your fine and move on, great.

Heading into 2008, the 4th official year of this blog - it seems like forever- I am planning on some new material, some new posts and a few new ideas. Since I have let the drudgery of being a Baltimore, Maryland resident get to me the past few months, offset with the overwhelming joy of becoming the father of two bouncing baby boys - So, I am returning to this blog like the warm cozy safety blanket that it has been for the past few years in and attempt to vent my anger and share my happiness. It's really so I can keep myself off of Prozac or crack or whatever parents in second-class cities are taking nowadays. Most likely this will be done in the form of senseless rants and doodie jokes, but Hey!!! What did you expect?

Combat Booties

2007-09-26T14:47:00.000-04:00

Yeah...Google it. NO HITS!!

My idea.....don't touch it.

What is it? Simple.

Tiny, soft soled combat boot booties for newborn babies.

Genius!

I gar-aun-tee punk rock parents would scoop these right up!!

The Holy Republicans

2007-08-31T16:49:00.000-04:00

Has anyone noticed how often Republicans are pictured with "halos"?

This is some bullshit religious government we have and the media certainly isn't helping.

Tiny Monkey

2007-08-20T15:48:00.000-04:00

My twin sons were born only 19 days ago...yet I am still obsessed with this tiny monkey playing the guitar.

Anyone know how to post an avatar such as this within a blog post and have it move? It seems posting it as a normal pic loses all the action....which sucks cuz this little guy is totally thrashing it up on that thing!!! MELT YOUR FACE!!!!!!!

More to come folks.....gimme time.

Nothing!

2007-07-24T11:19:00.000-04:00

Still no news.....nothing.

How are things where you are?

A Greatest Hit!

2007-07-16T20:40:00.000-04:00

Will someone over at CSI: Miami please cut that crap out with the bad writing!!

CSI cast member: Looks like she was stabbed in the buttocks...my god, Horatio, this girl was a hooker!
Horatio: You know what they say "You lie down with the Devil, you wake up in Hell".
(and then Roger Daltry screams and the opening starts)

Every chance they get, they give David Caruso (Horatio Caine) some goofy line that's supposed to make him sound like a badass-go get 'em cop! Look:

Example 1
Suspect: Hey, I did that guy a favor! He was a retard!
Horatio Caine : Okay, he might have a few things to overcome, I'll give you that, but you know what, Pete? You know what? At the end of the day, HE just put YOU away for life.

Example 2

Witness: It was all so crazy! We didn't know what was happening! The shooting! I don't....I....
Horatio: Uh huh Yeah MMMmmm Is that so...Hmmmmm. Drive-by Miami style!

Examples come in 3's
Suspect: Hey man, I loved her. I don't know how my backpack got there, or that video of me stabbing her in the face and then playing in her blood! I want answers just like you! I'm playing on your side!
Horatio: Well then, Willy. You just don't understand the game. Perhaps you think we are playing cribbage, but in fact, we are playing in the Scrabble National Championships....and I just spelled "Homicide" for a triple word score and a total of 48 points* Now you had better start talking or I am going to SHUT YOU DOWN, WILLY!

It's gotten so bad that every other thing David Caruso says is one of these pseudo bad-ass lines, it's distracting from the show.

* actual Scrabble point value of the word "Homicide" with the triple word score.

Getting Close....

2007-07-05T23:03:00.000-04:00

Well, we are getting pretty close. For those of you "in the know", this means that I will be the father of twins in a mere matter of weeks...for those not in the know...f-off I have too much to worry about already, I can't be bothered with your not-knowing and those pouty left-out-in-the-cold looks!!

I think I have already passed all of the pre-parent stages...the panic and fear...being nervous and over-excited. Now there seems to be a calm before the storm of poo poo diapers and screaming banshee newborns. I guess I had better cherish these last few nights, sitting back with a beer to watch some TV.

I was never sure what aspect of life was going to catapult me into full-blown adulthood. At first I though it was having a "real" job, then I thought it would be marriage...but now I have seen the final stage of growing up and becoming a responsible adult roll over the horizon as it barrels toward me like a runaway 18 wheeler.....these twins are gonna make roadkill out of me.

I did find some time to relax and paint this picture for the nursery....

You Heard It Here First..Or Something Like "It"?

2007-06-14T13:09:00.000-04:00

My April 24th post on Katie Couric must have something to do with this...

Perhaps I can draw SOME kind of connection....?

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,282035,00.html

She says Rather was "tough as nails", I say "miserable prick"....close enough.

-granted this is a FOX article, so associating myself with it is probably a bad idea.

On signing off....

2007-04-25T18:48:00.000-04:00

One of the earliest bloggers recently decided to retire his blog/website.

I felt particularly moved by his final post:

"Well, for the people dumb enough to still read this shit-pile, here it is finally: another post on ***********.org. I know it's been almost a year and honestly, I have no idea where the time went. First there was summer and than there was ... well ... winter, and so on. Yes my excuses definitely aren't getting any better.

Anyway, I regret to say that this is also the very last update on ***********.org. That's probably the whole reason why this site hasn't been updated in ages: I just don't feel like it anymore. I haven't got a clue what to write about anymore and I sure as hell can't be arsed to find funny fucking pictures and links just to entertain some dipshits. I've come to a point in my life where ranting on a site about the damned pope or other losers I see walking around on the street isn't that important to me anymore. Don't get me wrong, I loved doing this, it's just that I have other stuff to keep me occupied now.

In conclusion: it's been fun, but this is where it ends for *************.org. I assume no one will be losing any sleep over this, and if you do: get over it you fucking pussy, it's just the internet! And with those words of wisdom I leave you guys to it. Have a nice life and so on and so on ..."

- e

I came very close to just cutting an pasting this here and calling it quits myself! But, alas, I shall drag on.

She must be BAD! Which could be good.....

2007-04-24T08:38:00.000-04:00

This NY Post article says that Katie Couric is SO bad and SUCH a bitch that CBS is looking to replace her in 2008 after the elections.

The quote that suprised me the most was:

"From the moment she walked in here," another insider told the paper, "she held herself above everybody else. We had to live up to her standards . . . CBS has never dealt in this realm of celebrity before."

If this "CBS insider" is not completely full of shit then Katie Couric is the the absolute worst snoot to ever walk the CBS halls. Why do I say this? Dan Rather.

In the 1990's when I was working for CBS I had (what I thought at the time was) the pleasure of meeting Dan Rather. It was VERY brief, maybe just a matter of seconds, but the lead up to this meeting and the entire environment around CBS - just because Dan Rather was in the building - was a weird feeling that The Rather Demon might appear and eat your very soul!!

From speaking with people that worked directly for and with Dan Rather, he was the biggest prick you have ever met. The rule was DO NOT speak to Mr. Rather unless spoken to, if he poo-poos a story, it is cut from the news cast or re-written to Mr. Rather's standards. DO NOT BOTHER MR. RATHER, HE IS A VERY IMPORTANT AND BUSY MAN!!!! Basically, he was Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada....including the make-up.

At that time Dan Rather WAS the bar by which the CBS staff was measuring EVERYTHING...including their newsroom coffee choices.

When I met him it was a quick introduction and handshake, Rather did not smile, in fact he barely looked up from his papers. Mind you, I would not expect him to drop everything to meet some fresh-out-of-college punkass like me, but the vibe he gave off was that he was annoyed by EVERYTHING around him....people, the office.... just everything.

I suppose this "CBS Insider" could be new since Dan Rather left, which would explain why Couric SEEMS like the nastiest anchor to ever land at CBS - but if Katie Couric is a bigger bitch than Dan Rather was in the 1990's then maybe CBS really should re-evaluate themselves.

Dan Rather was a big man-cunt, but at that time the CBS Nightly News was very good. They did a GREAT job of covering the news. Remember, the mid-1990's was before EVERY story was given a CGI graphic intro and title like "Elevator Terror Scare 2007" and FOX News was still laughed at as being sensational. Now that is the norm, our news is shit stories that they dress up and run over and over - like anyone really gave a fuck about Anna Nicole Smith. Dan Rather was cutting the crap and trying to put out the best product he could....if that meant he had to be a douche to some news writers then so be it. Unfortunately, in the end, Dan made a few slip-ups and lost out...but he had a good, QUALITY run until then.

Maybe Katie Couric is getting slammed because her standards are too high for the SLACKERS that work at CBS News. God for bid they have someone with higher standards trying to run the show. As bizarre as it is, if she was trying to get everyone to wear clown suits to the office and only write stories about where the best pickled herring is in NYC - they wouldn't even mention it. It would just be, "Oh she's nuts, but at least she doesn't get in the way of our crappy news!"

....Thankfully, I am just a blogger so if I am wrong I can still slam her for being a bitch and tease her after she gets fired.

The Dr. Ben Carson Game!!

2007-04-05T17:00:00.000-04:00

Dr. Benjamin S. Carson is HUGE in the world of medicine. He is the TOP Pediatric Neurosurgeon in the US - I can't even spell "neurosurgeon" without looking it up and Dr. Carson is so smart he can fix a child's brain! Dr. Carson has made numerous surgical innovations over the years and has written several books. This guy is a true SUPERGENIUS!

However, it doesn't end there for Dr. Benjamin Carson, MD Supergenius....NO!

Dr. GeniusBen CarsonBrain is also dashingly handsome and looks an awful lot like Mr. Marvin (get your girlfriend nekkid) Gaye!

The Dr. Ben Carson Game!!!

Pick which photos are Dr. Ben Carson and which are Marvin Gaye!

Too easy?

Try this one.....

Answers: James Earl Jones, James Earl Ray, James Earl Jones, A young James Earl Jones,
James Earl Jones from the film Swashbuckler (1976), "DJ" Earl The Pearl.

Damn

2007-04-04T17:23:00.000-04:00

Life is just like the old days with this blog, I just can't keep it updated!

Excuse me.

This blog is getting like my penis....just can't keep it up!

Anyone?

Eh....flop!

I was shocked to see the last time I posted was March 15th.

I suck.

Excuse me.

My posting on this blog is getting like...ah, forget it.

Ultimate Debate 2007!

2007-03-15T13:26:00.000-04:00

I overheard two college dudes having the ULTIMATE DEBATE this morning!
It was SO retarded-ly funny I will recount it word for word!!

ULTIMATE COLLEGE GUY DEBATE!
Baltimore 2007

Guy 1: Damn, there are some HOTTIES on Myspace.

Guy 2: Not like Facebook.

Guy 1: Fuck Facebook. There are strippers on Myspace. I have seen the photos.

Guy 2: At least the girls on Facebook are real, I've see girls from school on there.

Guy 1: THE GIRLS ON MYSPACE ARE REAL, I HAVE MET THEM!

Guy 2: Thats a lie. You have NEVER met a girl off of Myspace. NEVER.

Guy 1: OK....but I know them. If they aren't real then who's in the pictures?

Guy 2: I'm not saying they don't exist, retard. All I'm saying is that they post those pictures, they say they are this or that...but half those girls are just wannabe strippers. They can SAY whatever they want! I could say I'm a millionaire on there, it doesn't mean I am! They're doing it to get idiots like you all hot for them.

Guy 1: Yeah..maybe. But they are MAD HOT.

Guy 2: Dude, you are WAY too horney for a bunch of girls that are your fake friends. You realize how nerdy that is right? You're pumped for cyber-hos. You might as well jerk off to some anime.

Guy 1: Shut up! I don't care...It's all Myspace's fault.

Guy 2: You need a date with someone other than your hand.

now please notice me!

2007-02-28T10:55:00.000-05:00

The following was culled from 6 years of research on internet bloggers.....

Hey has anyone noticed anything totally obvious and compared it to something totally obvious and then passed it off as funny?! Thats SO GREAT! AND FUNNY! Hang on, I feel something funny about being a hipster coming through...ah, it passed. Must not have been high enough quality. You know, I pass unfunnyness like poop....it just doesn't stick with me. I'm that funny, you know like him and her and her and him and these other people over here that I want you to associate me with....Yeah, I think she's funny too....and he is REALLY funny, and original, don't forget original. I am also original, in case you didn't notice. I try hard and I'm original. I have to PROTECT my originality...you know, there are chumps out there that want to steal from "TheTalent" over here...yeah that's me! Boy, it's great saying how original I am...and my ideas, they are more original-er than me! My comedic mis-use of the English language is hilarious EVERY time...isn't it?! YEAH..IT SURE IS!

===

I was once in love, but now I write bitter poems. I am the best poet.
Here is a new poem:

Screech, the bird's call
Night Falls
I am exiting to the silence
Depression crushes
My black clothes are torn
The microwave beeps
And I feel sorrow of love lost

===

I hate {something} more than any healthy person should.

===

I am a teen and everything that is happening to me is happening for the first time. I feel the need to tell you....to help you understand!

===

I am trolling for sex....with ANYTHING.

===

BUY THIS PIECE OF SHIT / ANNOYING SERVICE!

===

I am a housewife with a computer. PLEASE TELL ME LIFE IS NOT OVER!

===

MA! CLOSE THE BASEMENT DOOOOOORRRRR!

===

I may be late to the game, but here is my fantasy/fiction blog. In it I write as another person and hope you will not pick up on that...therefore thinking this is the REAL blog of a fake person...or maybe it's not worth it......I'm insecure.

====

AHhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

BOOM!

A quick one....

2007-02-21T12:16:00.000-05:00

Hey, I haven't forgotten about you.

I just don't care anymore.

Kidding!

What have I been up to? Well....

I went ahead an got that laptop....it's awesome. It even makes espresso. Unfortunately it
doesn't make EX-presso. Looks like you losers are out of luck.

I won that contest so, yes, I am the "World's Most Handsome Agricultural Statistician"

Despite earlier reports that "I'm having twins"....I am, in fact, FATHERING twins. The twins will be carried by their mother...seeing as I am a man and incapable of bearing children.

Other than that.....hmm.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I'm off to surf porn from the Starbucks WiFi!

Plato Says

2007-02-16T22:59:00.000-05:00

I was looking at Plato's Republic today. Not reading it, just looking at the book as it sat on my coffee table. - That was my whole problem in school... never understood that I was supposed to READ the books.

Anyway, in book number 8 of the Republic Socrates describes the corruption of the cities and the corresponding individual characters. He explains why his "perfect" city must die (anything which is born must die) and in doing so, I thought it spoke to our current state of affairs here in the US in 2007....tell me this does not sound *a little* familiar.

Socrates says that the first step down the path of corruption is that Reason no longer rules, the spirited part is in control and the army dominates. The guardians still protect the society from the outside enemies, but they now rule harshly and demands some private property. The arts are neglected and education degenerates. The next part Plato (or rather Socrates) refers to as the oligarchy (plutocracy) where the love of money openly dominates - so much so that there becomes a wealth qualification to hold public office. In the individual, the love of money becomes so strong that Reason and Spirit become slave to it. In democracy there is no control and all desires are equal. As excessive love of money destroys the oligarchy, excessive love of liberty destroys democracy and leads to dictatorship where there is no freedom at all. This dictatorship comes about when the people choose a champion to lead who grabs all of the power for himself with the help of an unsuspecting populace who vote him in as a bodyguard. In the final stages of this corruption and degeneration, the worst passions are in command of the state.

Hmmm.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2007-02-15T15:55:00.000-05:00

Much like your REAL boyfriend or loved one, I am sending you Valentine's "love and kisses" a full day late.

Also like your loved one I have forgotten what you like....was it roses? or tulips? Which one is the one she hates the smell of?...or was that shittake mushrooms? Yeah, it's the mushrooms she hates the smell of. I distinctly remember getting her something on Valentine's Day that made her mad...OH, wait...it was the time I accidently recounted a Valentine's story to her - on Valentine's Day - about a fabulous date that ended in mindblowing sex...but it was with another woman.....that was it....and she hates my mom's flowered kitchen apron. THAT's what I'm thinking of...

So, please, enjoy your Day After Valentine's Day and know that I love you dearly.

I love your deep blue / brown / light green eyes and your flowing, luscious / short-cropped dyke-like hair.

I love the way you smile / frown at me when you see me, the way you laugh / grunt when I tell a joke.

I love the way you embrace me / file a restraining order everytime I come within arm's reach, and I love it when you make love to me / have me followed and then beaten by your thug friends.

but most importantly, JUST like your REAL loved one...

I didn't think of you on Valentine's Day because you're not having sex with me.

Love, Drue

Poem for Southern Maryland

2007-02-08T16:55:00.000-05:00

Southern Maryland
Your bleakness astounds me
Your lack of....well, anything
Good God!

Southern Maryland
Lunchtime approaches
And I am in you deep
The hunger!

Gas station sandwich
BLT wrap
Shocks with unexpected quality
Until!

Long red hair
Woven among lunch meats
Discovered once nestled
Between my teeth!

Southern Maryland
Your bleakness astounds me
Should not have come here
You are gross!

Friday Radio

2007-02-03T17:44:00.000-05:00

I will recount my Friday radio experiences and some other fun stuff on Monday - I'm still out of town.

All things considered, I think it went well...could have gone better....but what can you do.

The podcast should be available on iTunes under podcasts, "PennRadio.com" 2/2/2007

Pull of the Weasel

2007-02-02T13:36:00.000-05:00

I'll be telling my "Pull of the Weasel" story on Penn Jillette's radio show

TODAY between 2 and 3pm EST. ...which is in, like an hour!

See pennradio.com for local listings or webcast!

In the event you miss it...I'll post the entire thing here later on in the day!

The 411 for the Single Dad in Brooklyn

2007-01-11T16:04:00.000-05:00

PS8 (The Robert Fulton School)

....more hottie female teachers per capita than any school in the NY metro area.

"I'm just sayin' "

Look into it Singlesearchingbrooklyndaddies.

**EXTRA CREDIT!**

Their principal looks alot like Mr. Rooney!

--What is up with me and the "separated at birth" crap lately.--

An Observation For The Ladies...

2007-01-10T09:47:00.000-05:00

Ladies, I know that 90% of you think that Zach "I'm So Down To Earth Yet Depressed But Let's Be Happy Anyway I Love Things" Braff is so dreamy that he HAS to be your next boyfriend, but how do you feel about his doppelganger Dax Shephard? This guy is Zach Braff after a good beating, right? and I mean a real solid, baby seal style club-down.

Dax Shephard looks as if he was cobbled together from left over Zach Braff parts because they needed someone as eqully as un-funny as Dane Cook for "Employee of the Month".

Really! Come on ladies, take a firm stance on this superficial bullshit post!

Dax Shephard looks like the blond, retarded brother of Zach Braff....I'll prove it.

See.

Is it true...

2007-01-09T16:35:00.000-05:00

...that the new iPod is so small...

...it is almost the size of a grain of rice...

...and they are implanting them...

... in women's breasts...

...so women can no longer complain that men...

..."Stare at their breasts and never listen to them"?

Zing!

Seems that Airbag Industries (no, I will NOT link them) tried to swipe my joke!

iPod Rice — When I first heard about this I had to ask my source to repeat the information because it seemed so unreal. Indeed the next iPod to ship is called Rice and, yes, it's the size of rice. The device store songs as molecules and has the capacity of 5 gigabyte drive. Headphones are now wireless through Bluetooth (finally) and you will navigate between songs through learned ESP. Incredible!

Thankfully, A Hoax.

2007-01-09T16:04:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Seattle's Stranger!

Grand Canyon gag order is a hoax.

Thanks for NUTHIN' Snopes.com! PPPPppppphhhhhtt!!

Grand Canyon: No Comment.

2007-01-08T14:28:00.000-05:00

This is CRAZY! (which is why I'm buying a circa 1965 encyclopedia set!)

(Here is the original press release from PEER)

HOW OLD IS THE GRAND CANYON? PARK SERVICE WON’T SAY
— Orders to Cater to Creationists Makes National Park Agnostic on Geology

Washington, DC — Grand Canyon National Park is not permitted to give an official estimate of the geologic age of its principal feature, due to pressure from Bush administration appointees. Despite promising a prompt review of its approval for a book claiming the Grand Canyon was created by Noah's flood rather than by geologic forces, more than three years later no review has ever been done and the book remains on sale at the park, according to documents released today by Public Employees for Environmental Responsibility (PEER).

“In order to avoid offending religious fundamentalists, our National Park Service is under orders to suspend its belief in geology,” stated PEER Executive Director Jeff Ruch. “It is disconcerting that the official position of a national park as to the geologic age of the Grand Canyon is ‘no comment.’”

In a letter released today, PEER urged the new Director of the National Park Service (NPS), Mary Bomar, to end the stalling tactics, remove the book from sale at the park and allow park interpretive rangers to honestly answer questions from the public about the geologic age of the Grand Canyon. PEER is also asking Director Bomar to approve a pamphlet, suppressed since 2002 by Bush appointees, providing guidance for rangers and other interpretive staff in making distinctions between science and religion when speaking to park visitors about geologic issues.

In August 2003, Park Superintendent Joe Alston attempted to block the sale at park bookstores of Grand Canyon: A Different View by Tom Vail, a book claiming the Canyon developed on a biblical rather than an evolutionary time scale. NPS Headquarters, however, intervened and overruled Alston. To quiet the resulting furor, NPS Chief of Communications David Barna told reporters and members of Congress that there would be a high-level policy review of the issue.

According to a recent NPS response to a Freedom of Information Act request filed by PEER, no such review was ever requested, let alone conducted or completed.

Park officials have defended the decision to approve the sale of Grand Canyon: A Different View, claiming that park bookstores are like libraries, where the broadest range of views are displayed. In fact, however, both law and park policies make it clear that the park bookstores are more like schoolrooms rather than libraries. As such, materials are only to reflect the highest quality science and are supposed to closely support approved interpretive themes. Moreover, unlike a library the approval process is very selective. Records released to PEER show that during 2003, Grand Canyon officials rejected 22 books and other products for bookstore placement while approving only one new sale item — the creationist book.

Ironically, in 2005, two years after the Grand Canyon creationist controversy erupted, NPS approved a new directive on “Interpretation and Education (Director’s Order #6) which reinforces the posture that materials on the “history of the Earth must be based on the best scientific evidence available, as found in scholarly sources that have stood the test of scientific peer review and criticism [and] Interpretive and educational programs must refrain from appearing to endorse religious beliefs explaining natural processes.”

“As one park geologist said, this is equivalent of Yellowstone National Park selling a book entitled Geysers of Old Faithful: Nostrils of Satan,” Ruch added, pointing to the fact that previous NPS leadership ignored strong protests from both its own scientists and leading geological societies against the agency approval of the creationist book. “We sincerely hope that the new Director of the Park Service now has the autonomy to do her job.”

JUST FOR THE RECORD, WIKIPEDIA WON'T LET US DOWN:

The Grand Canyon is a very colorful, steep-sided gorge, carved by the Colorado River, in the U.S. state of Arizona. It is largely contained within the Grand Canyon National Park — one of the first national parks in the United States. President Theodore Roosevelt was a major proponent of the Grand Canyon area, visiting on numerous occasions to hunt mountain lions and enjoy the scenery.
The canyon, created by the Colorado River cutting a channel over millions of years, is about 277 miles (446 km) long, ranges in width from 0.25 to 15 miles (0.4 to 24 kilometers), and attains a depth of more than a mile (1,600 m). Nearly two billion years of the Earth's history has been exposed as the Colorado River and its tributaries cut through layer after layer of sediment as the Colorado Plateaus have uplifted.

The first recorded sighting of the Grand Canyon by a European was in 1540, García López de Cárdenas from Spain. [1] The first scientific expedition to the canyon was led by U.S. Major John Wesley Powell in the late 1860s. Powell referred to the sedimentary rock units exposed in the canyon as "leaves in a great story book". Long before that, the area was inhabited by Native Americans who built settlements within the canyon walls.

This Will Definitely Cut Into My Porn Surfing Time.

2007-01-06T10:00:00.000-05:00

Well, the New Year is here and with it comes your empty resolution (to stop letting the dog lick peanut butter off of your crotch) along with my 24 karat announcement:

2007 is the year I am going to be the father of twins.

Yes, I know, it's hard to believe...Not Guilty had a lot to do with this, btw.

My brother barber Tony really summed the sentiment up with

"Damn, Drue!! You gots that SPECIAL juice up in you!! Twins juice."

Yes, Tony. I gots that twins juice indeed.

Morgan Spurlock's Girlfriend Gave Me Spray Farts

2006-12-28T09:12:00.000-05:00

I am by no means vegan, or even vegetarian, and I do not require beef and grease with EVERY meal...so having Creamy Potato Leek Soup from Alex Jamieson's Great American Detox Diet book seemed like an OK idea at the time.

WRONG.

That soup ran through me without any indication that my body had digested it. I'm not kidding. It passed through me unchanged. Murkey green soup in - murkey green soup out.

Detox indeed.

The worst part was the gas and wet farts. I couldn't leave my house for three days because I was afraid if I did I might end up too far from a restroom and end up in a catastrophic ass-y situation.

Thanks Alex!

NEVER AGAIN!!!

Yes, readers I have gotten your e-mails...I know, she is his wife now. She still gave me spray farts.

Merry Christmas, etc.

2006-12-22T09:09:00.000-05:00

to all.

See you after the holidays!

Oldie but Goodie

2006-12-12T16:27:00.000-05:00

click for article

Gotta love the example slides!

And you thought YOUR brain was whack.

2006-12-12T15:47:00.000-05:00

Check out this guys website / blog.

The header really says it all:

"A journal of a "targeted individual" (TI); a person subjected to organized harassment and possible mind-control activity in the form of gangstalking, directed plasma beams, masers and other unconventional energies. My family, who have become evasive and unobjective, do not wish to explain why I am the centerpiece of a substantial nonconsensual human experimentation activity operation in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada."

also see "Getting Started" post.

The first thing that hit me here (CRAY-ZEEEE!) was the word gangstalking. So, I found this on the world wide inter-computernet:

gang stalk°ing:

A group of criminals or hoodlums who band together for mutual protection and profit to follow or observe (a person) persistently, especially out of obsession or derangement. Also known as cause stalking, vengeance stalking, organized stalking and group stalking.

So, this guy thinks he's being zapped by various devices, followed by deranged gang members and he wonders why his family won't deal with him. Hello???

I am guessing that if I ran around talking about plasma beams and masers*, my family would become "evasive", "unobjective" and probably "super annoyed by Drue since he started babbling about mind-control and wearing that aluminum foil helmet"

We can only hope that this is some kind of science fiction blog experiment becasue if this guy is serious my harassing comments might push him over the edge. I am leaning twords FAKE because if I were this mental, why would I throw everything personal out to the world on a blog?
(For more reference see: www.drueklinowski.com - *crazy laugh*)

*A maser is a device that produces coherent electromagnetic waves through amplification due to stimulated emission. Point one of these puppies at your dick and it will fall right off. No joke.

What the F@#%??

2006-12-12T13:32:00.000-05:00

First of all, did nyone know that a "javelina" is a kind of wild pig? I doubt it.
In fact, I think most people would think a "javelina" is either
A) a spear-like object, used as a thrown weapon in ancient times or
B) a smaller version of A)....maybe a kid's size.

but NO, a javelina is a kind of wild pig?!!

Look here...a whole group of them attacked a woman in Arizona while she was walking her pet rats

After looking up some info on "javelina" this story has become terrifying!

Not cute piggies.

They are Fugly Terror Swine.

Reminder to Self:

Blog about DJ Swine. Appearing at a roadhouse near you!

Likeliness of DJ Swine being fugly...VERY HIGH.

Some time this morning

2006-12-08T13:52:00.000-05:00

it came to my attention that I drank the equivalent of a bottle of wine last night.

....so THAT'S why I felt like poo poo.

Note to Self:

Do not break a three week alcohol dry-spell by pounding wine at a dinner party.

MMMmnumnumnumm

2006-12-05T09:43:00.000-05:00

num num

sleepy.

If you've never been to Maryland...

2006-11-29T15:54:00.000-05:00

then there is a good chance you have never had one of these:

Yes, its a soft pretzel covered in a cheesy / lump crab coating. AWESOME!

Makes any trip to the Old Line State well worth it.......well, almost.

but they are damn yummy.

Lay Low

2006-11-21T10:58:00.000-05:00

Lets all lay low today.

Will all the crazy stuff going on in the news, let just take today to fly
under all the radars and keep a low profile.

It's a short week, let's not throw fuel on the fire.

There will be no "OJ Show" (or book) Thank you God!

Michael Richards Racist Rant - career killer?

Katie Holmes loses battle to Tom Cruise, more on their creepy wedding - ugh.

With all this terrible entertainment news (not to mention world and political news)
what can a guy look forward to this holiday season?

Where is the holiday spirit of giving?

Where is the love?

Where is the....

Get Yours Today, Hipster!!

2006-11-20T12:19:00.000-05:00

Mister Hip Hop is LIVE!

Bob Lablaugh

2006-11-15T13:30:00.000-05:00

Having a blah day?

Yeah me too.

Let's cut out early and go get drunk...and then come back to work!

COME ON!!!!

Those surgeries can wait til later!!!

I hate politics, but here is why I LOVE politics...

2006-11-09T08:46:00.000-05:00

...because the media is getting better and better at holding politician's feet to the fire.

There is nothing better than back to back video clips of politicians contradicting themselves, or news articles like this one:

Bush Changes Tunes on Rumsfeld Staying
By Associated PressPublished November 8, 2006

WASHINGTON -- A week ago President Bush said he wanted Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld to remain in his administration until the end. On Wednesday, he said Rumsfeld was leaving. Here's a look at what Bush said last Wednesday in an interview with The Associated Press and others, and what he said a day after the election.

Nov. 1:
Q: Assuming their health holds up, do you want Vice President Cheney and Defense Secretary Rumsfeld to be with you until the end?

Bush: Both those men are doing fantastic jobs. And I strongly support them.

Q: Up until the end -- you see them staying with you until the end?

Bush: I do.

Q: So you're expecting Rumsfeld -- Secretary Rumsfeld to stay on the rest of your time here? Bush: Yes, I am.

Nov. 8:
Q: Last week you told us that Secretary Rumsfeld will be staying on. Why is the timing right now for this, and how much does it have to do with the election results?

Bush: Right. No, you and Hunt and Keil came in the Oval Office, and Hunt asked me the question one week before the campaign, and basically it was, `Are you going to do something about Rumsfeld and the vice president?' And my answer was, `They're going to stay on.' And the reason why is I didn't want to inject a major decision about this war in the final days of a campaign. And so the only way to answer that question and to get you on to another question was to give you that answer.

(Bush went on to say that at the time he also had not had a chance to visit with Robert Gates, his nominee to take over at the Pentagon, and had not yet had a final conversation with Rumsfeld.)

And then, last night!!

Q: So Rumsfeld is jumping ship? He has decided not to "stay the course" with you?

Bush: Errrrr. Well...

Q: Secretary Rumsfeld got us into this mess in Iraq with no plans of getting us out, and now he's just resigning? Is this correct?

Bush: Well, ah, no. You asked if he was going to stay on....errrr. I didn't want to inject...ahhh.

Q: Are your top cabinet members leaving because they are afraid they will be held responsible for their actions once the Democrats take the house?

Bush: The point now is how do we work together to reach important goals. Anybody who is in a position to serve this country ought to understand the consequences of words, ya see? Ah...Rummy did a heck of a job. I have to go.

Open Letter to Rumsfeld

2006-11-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Rummy,

Good riddance. Now you'll have plenty of time to

GO FUCK YOURSELF.

That's all we every wanted you to do!!

Love, America

Cut and Rum

2006-11-08T15:25:00.000-05:00

See Yaaaaa! (link)

Bush refuses to "cut and run"....yet, one by one, all of his homies are doin' it!!

I Totally Love BARF!!

2006-11-06T10:41:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, guess what?!!

I am TOTALLY in LOVE with BARF!!

In fact, I'm on an ALL BARF DIET.

I figure if I eat BARF every day for a whole month, well, I'll be healthier and happier!!

My friends are all LOVING BARF too!! We might just eat BARF FOREVER!!

Just listen to their testimonials!!

Bob says:

"Drue got me turned onto eating BARF and now I could never go back! It's Great!"

Robert adds:

" BARF has never tasted better!! I even started putting it in the blender to make
yummy BARF shakes!!"

and Bobbert says:

" I had some trouble with my body image and my eating habits were TERRIBLE. Now I'm into eating BARF and my life has REALLY changed for the better. I am a changed man."

See?? SEE??? EVERYONE IS GOING CRAZY FOR EATING BARF!!

NOW YOU SHOULD TOO!! GET OUT THERE AND EAT BARF!*

*Biologically Appropriate Raw Food may not be a suitable diet for everyone.
Consult your physician before changing to this diet. Throwing up while dieting
is not encouraged...that's totally gross.

Quickly Checkin' In!

2006-11-01T12:24:00.000-05:00

Shout out to all my Google-searchers in various towns
in Columbia County NY!!

and

Snippet of a Conversation:

S: Did you get my e-mail?

Me: Ummm. yeah.

S: I have a cold and I am coughing up a lung.

Me: Oh. Er.

S: I puked on the plane. Those air sickness bags are a miracle of modern technology, I tell you. That thing held a quart of pukey orange juice and didn't leak at all!!

Me: Everything about this is conversation is gross.

Me: I take that back. That part about a bag of warm orange pukejuice is gross.

S: Yeah.

Me: Steaming Pukejuice Sack. Gross.

S: Didn't leak, though.

He's Got A Point, People!

2006-10-27T10:57:00.000-04:00

Because I rape uncovered meat ALL THE TIME.

The instant I see it.

And for the record, it is the uncovered meats' fault.

That cat cannot help himself, that is raw, uncovered meat!!

Properly dressed meat.

Wha? An observation.

2006-10-27T09:58:00.000-04:00

Did VH1 send down some edict that the Best Week Ever bloggers had to abandon their personal blogging efforts, leaving their sites to spiral into internet history?

I can see where scooping up some funny peeps and having them all
to yourself could have some appeal, some exclusive personalities
and material...but BWE doesn't involve the same kind of "sounding off"
forum that these guys had when they were blogging on their own.

I guess I'm saying that I miss some of the talent that was out there.

If there weren't 5,000 million
celeb-gossip-look-who-had-a-nip-slip-etc-etc-etc websites
out there I might be more supportive.

It just seems like VH1 is wasting good talent!

What is the deal here, guys!??

August 11, 2006

August 11, 2006

More Or Less

2006-10-26T09:10:00.000-04:00

"Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
"I've had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended tone, "so I can't take more."
"You mean you can't take less," said the Hatter: "It's very easy to take more than nothing."
--Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

NO COMMENT

2006-10-20T16:13:00.000-04:00

When I see that a blogger that has had the Comments section on their blog for a long time decide to make that switch and turn comments off, I feel sad and concerned for that blogger.

Don't shut the world out, little blogger. Is everything OK?

I know life is tough, but don't close us out.

We have PLENTY to say about your opinions on World of Warcraft, dating woes and that cyst you found on the back of your neck!!

-------------

Furthermore, when this happens I usually think "Oops. This is the fault of me and my retarded 2 cents. Sorry folks, I shut down all of our fun with a bad pun about television ( I thought "The Diarrheal World" was a good one! No?... This blogger now hates me, I can never shut up." But thats one of MhY issues.*

--------------

Please note: when I turn comments off on a post, I'm not trying to shut you guys out.

I'm just sayin' SHUT THE F**K UP.

* as published in MhY magazine: Manic Hypomaniacs Yearly!
"...it only comes out yearly cuz we're so busy busy busy writing writing writing it!"

NEWS FLASH!

2006-10-17T10:59:00.000-04:00

Bush signing terror bill into law in major victory for White House, Warmongers & Civil Rights Abusers

Ned Picklestein, Free Kee Press Intl. : Tuesday, October 17, 2006

WASHINGTON (AP) - President George W. Bush is signing into law new standards expediting interrogation and prosecution of terror suspects, a bill the White House says strengthens his hand in a time of war and will "put a smackdown on them thar' sand darkies, real quick-like."
Bush's plan becomes law just six weeks after he acknowledged that the CIA had been secretly interrogating (read: "pulling toenails") suspected ("brown=guilty") terrorists overseas and pressed Congress to quickly give authority to try them in military commissions ("take them on Judge Joe Brown").
The bill ready for signing would protect detainees from blatant abuses during questioning - such as rape, torture and "cruel and inhuman" treatment - but does not protect them the rest of the time or require that any of them be granted legal counsel. Also, it specifically bars detainees from filing habeas corpus petitions challenging their detentions in federal courts.
White House press secretary Toni Sno said that after Bush signs the legislation Tuesday, the government will immediately begin shocking genitals and putting fingers in vises when detainees are in their cells as opposed to interrogation rooms. "We are moving toward the goal of prosecuting some of the high-value suspects being held at the U.S. detention centre at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. We really wanna run these guys through the system before anyone has a chance to see who we've got locked up. Honestly, we've got some college students, free thinkers and even a few mexicans that have been charged with terrorism that we need to get out of the way before the civil rights groups get on us. After that it's all Iraqis so when we move into trial phase the general public will assume they're guilty."
The swift implementation of the law is a rare bit of good news for Bush, giving the U.S. a glimmer of hope that he actually recognizes "law". Legislators are increasingly calling for a change of strategy and political anxieties are jeopardizing Republicans' chances of hanging onto control of Congress and their testes.
Bush was able to divert attention from Republican troubles when he first asked for the legislation during a dramatic speech on Sept. 6 in the White House East Room, at that time Bush juggled a cantalope, a chainsaw and his mother Barbara.
But the distraction was short-lived as new revelations of Bush's handling of the Iraq war in a book by Bob Woodward raised fresh criticism of his administration. OooH, BURN!
The signing ceremony offered Bush the chance to bask in a legislative "victory". About 150 people were invited to the White House for the event, including military officers, members of Congress and members the "George W. Terror Bashers" all crippled Texans Roller Derby team.
"President Bush is going to mark this bill signing as a historic moment because it is a law that he knows will be effective in preventing terrorist attacks and keeping Americans safe," said new White House spokesman Lil Danny Parino, "Plus, I've always wanted to see an umbrella opened up inside a man's rectum, you know, like on Bugs Bunny."
Bush needed the legislation because the Supreme Court in June said the administration's plan for trying detainees in military tribunals violated U.S. and international law.
The legislation, which sets the rules for court proceedings, applies to those selected by the military for prosecution and leaves mostly unaffected the majority of the 14,000 prisoners in U.S. custody, most of whom are in Iraq. "Those guys are TOTALLY fucked. Our troops are just gonna use them fer whatever they wanna us'em fer."
The bill also eliminates some rights common in military and civilian courts. For example, no more "not guilty" pleas.

Why Hello!

2006-10-11T09:01:00.000-04:00

How have you been?

Yeah? Me too.

Really?

OK.

Well, I look forward to it.

See you then.

Fryday

2006-09-29T10:55:00.000-04:00

I'm only eating fried foods today!

Fryday!

....tomorrow will be Saturexplodingarteriesheartattackday.

Sad damn.

2006-09-27T12:05:00.000-04:00

Saddam continues to misbehave in court.

Here's how I imagine this happening:

Bailiff Bull Shannon: All rise! The honorable Chief Judge Muhammed U- Ur...um...ahem... the honorable Chief Judge Muhammed Ureybie? Ureybee? Ur-ey-bi [judge nods in approval] ....Court is in session!

Judge Ureybi: Mr. Hussein you have the floor.

Saddam: You let the prosecutor comment and I'm not? Is this the justice you exercise?
Damn this justice you are trying to serve in this court! To hell with -

Judge Ureybi: Don't use bad words!

Saddam: I didn't, I just said damn and h--

Judge Ureybi: I said, Don't use bad words!

Saddam: Are you serious? I kill thousand and torture thousand more in twenty-something year reign of terror...and you giving me crap about saying damn in court? I just can't bel-

{Guards surround Saddam and escort him out of the courtroom}

Judge Ureybi: Court is adjourned until Mr. Hussein has had his mouth washed out with soap. Obviously, he has been picking these words up somewhere.

Saddam (from the hallway): Bababooey, Bababooey!!

T.O. - the "O" stands for OxyContin

2006-09-27T12:02:00.000-04:00

Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens attempts suicide, Philadelphia Eagles plan block party.
9/27/06
Dallas, Texas

Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens ingested several pain killers in a suicide
attempt, according to a report released by the Dallas police Wednesday, Dallas television station WFAA reported.

According to the report cited by the TV station, when police asked Owens if he tried to hurt himself, he said “I wanna renegotiate my contract, bitch.”

Owens was taken to the emergency room Tuesday night. A source close to Owens told
ESPN's Ed Werder early Wednesday that Owens was suffering an adverse reaction to
painkillers taken for treatment of his fractured hand…or possibly painkillers taken with excessive amounts of alcohol.

"This is not serious," Owens' publicist’s assistant said in Wednesday's online edition of the Fort Worth Worthnews News, “ Mr. Owens has been known to drink and take pills in the past, it’s part of what he does. Like riding a bicycle on the sidelines.”

A report earlier Tuesday stated that Owens would practice with the team Wednesday
and possibly ride his bicycle on the sidelines Sunday at Tennessee, but his availability this week and beyond is now uncertain, unless drug supply negotiations with Rush Limbaugh come through this week.

Owens was brought by a fire rescue crew to the hospital, Dallas-Fort Worth television
station KOED reported, citing sources the television station did not identify. A reporter for the station later said she saw “Owens being wheeled down the hall, he was in a hospital gown, his c*ck looked HUGE.”

Calls from The Associated Press to Owens' agent, his publicist and the Cowboys were not immediately returned Tuesday night. The hospital told the AP that they do not have a patient registered by Owens' name; however, they do have a T.O. von Birddance and a Flamboyant R. Touchdown registered.

With the Cowboys having had a bye last weekend, Owens could return without having
missed a game. Before Tuesday's late developments, Owens said he would play Oct. 8,
when he gets to face his former team, the Eagles, in Philadelphia.

My idea might be even worse.....

2006-09-27T09:39:00.000-04:00

Law & Order is planning to do a take on Mel Gibson's drunk driving arrest,
and producers have signed Chevy Chase to play the Gibson part.

This is sure to be a disappointment....Chevy just isn't funny anymore.

I see why L&O would want to do this, because they do "ripped-from-the-headlines"
stories all the time, it's part of their strategy to keep viewers and stay topical. However,
I can't understand why they would bother using Chevy Chase for this role. This show is
not a comedy, and even if it I'm guessing the actual incident with Gibson was a thousand
times funnier than Chevy Chase could be at this point in his career.

My suggestion, use Mel Gibson.

In fact, Law & Order should set the episode in a dystopian near-future Australia "a few years from now" but it is obviously set in a society that is suffering from a prolonged fuel shortage and a dystopic state which has resulted in a breakdown of civil order. Gibson should be pulled over by the poorly funded highway patrol called the Main Force Patrol. Their primary function is to secure the desolate highways of the outback from predatory motorized gangs and stop celebrity DWIs....and these cops are all female jews led by Tina Turner. Angie Harmon would play that bald, super ugly bad dude with the chains, obviously.

poo-poo-post.

Remember This?

2006-09-26T19:36:00.000-04:00

Hey...remember this site?

The Brick Apple

It's awesome because it

1) takes you back to your childhood

and

2) takes you back to NYC, kinda

and

3) reminds you how much of a nerd you really are for liking these kinds of things!*

*unless you are Sean Kenney, a "LEGO Certified Professional "
....translation "Gets payed to play with Legos full time."-- Sweet.

Gone Daddy Gone

2006-09-26T17:54:00.000-04:00

Well, my little tech company here in the Greater Baltimore Metro area has lost another employee...this time it was to:

www.opera.com

(Norwegian web browser)

Good Luck, David!

TGI-FU

2006-09-22T08:48:00.000-04:00

IT'S FRIDAY!

IT'S FRIDAY!!

GO AHEAD, KNOCK OFF EARLY!

IT'S FRIDAY!!!

TELL YOUR BOSS TO F*@# OFF!!*

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!

QUIT YOUR JOB!*

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!

GO ON VACATION!!

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!

EMPTY OUT YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DITCH YOUR FAMILY AND
MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE WHERE YOU ASSUME A NEW IDENTITY
AND BEGIN A NEW LIFE AS THE WORLDS RICHEST BEET FARMER AND
INTERNATIONAL PLAYBOY.**

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!

* NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY
"MONDAY MORNING UNEMPLOYMENT LINE REGRETS"

** BEET FARMERS ARE KNOWN FOR HAVING COPIUS AMOUNTS OF CASH
AND INTERNATIONAL RENOWN AS "CHARD-BODIES"

Inbox

2006-09-19T17:27:00.000-04:00

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Not News

2006-09-19T08:36:00.000-04:00

You Can Do It!

2006-09-18T21:40:00.000-04:00

This Week

GO FOR THE PEWTER, GANG!

YOU CAN DO IT!

Groan.

2006-09-14T16:37:00.000-04:00

Rain

Sucks

My

Butt

< >

2006-09-11T08:25:00.000-04:00

< >

Caught On Tape

2006-09-07T15:13:00.000-04:00

I was going to write a parody article on this, until I saw the video clip.

Teaser:

Cameraman keeps shooting as television reporter attacked in SD

SAN DIEGO - A television reporter was bitten and beaten as he and his cameraman, who captured the attack on video, tried to do a story on a couple they believed were involved in a real estate scam.
Reporter John Mattes of Fox 6 News sustained cracked ribs, bite wounds and cuts to his face during Tuesday's confrontation with the couple, identified by authorities as Assad "Sam" Suleiman, 36, and his wife, Rosa Amelia Barraza, 33.

You've gotta check this out. (article and video)

Eager

2006-09-07T10:28:00.000-04:00

I eagerly await the mug shot on this one...

I wonder if there will be lip pouting....

Warning.

2006-09-06T10:08:00.000-04:00

I have been feeling under the weather since Saturday.

A little achy, runny nose, neck pain.

The weather has turned rainy and cool in Baltimore.

If this is some kind of "change of season" cold or flu.

I'm gonna be pissed.

No Longer Putting Dangerous Animals Near His Face...

2006-09-05T10:26:00.000-04:00

Steve Irwin demonstrates "Outback Exfoliation"

I'm going into Labor....

2006-09-01T11:20:00.000-04:00

....day weekend!!

(awful)

Have a great weekend, everybody.

Was Her Name Lydia?

2006-08-31T09:28:00.000-04:00

At lunch I was sitting eating sushi and tater-tots. As I ate I was thinking about
how odd a combination this was. Sushi....and tater-tots. Very strange.

Then, as I ate, I looked to my left. There, also enjoying her lunch, was a very large
woman with very large legs. By "very large" I mean she was "enormous".
She was like a "refridgerator with a head".

I could not help but notice that this woman had a tattoo of Mickey Mouse the size of
my lunch tray (sushi and taters included) festooned across her calf. It looked like
Mickey was hanging on for dear life, his little arms raised and his scorcerer's hat
tipping off his head.

Then I noticed something else. On her arm she had the most death metal looking
spider tattoo I have ever seen!

What a strange combination!

Sushi and Tater-tots

Mickey and Death Metal Spider Tattoos

Then I realized she was eating sushi
and tater-tots and my head exploded.

The Power of Three

2006-08-30T17:01:00.000-04:00

Three people I saw while I was at the hospital today:

A man wearing a feed bag....
No, wait.....that's a goiter.

A small cripped boy who stood up and walked from his wheelchair!!
No, wait....he was just in a stroller.

A man with a moustache and crossed eyes wearing a t-shirt that said
Try It, You'll Like It!

...do you think was he referring to the infamous "moustache ride"?

I would not doubt if he was the inventor of that line. Yet, somehow I think it's more likely that he wrote TI-89 Graphing Calculator For Dummies.

Stupid

2006-08-30T08:59:00.000-04:00

Any Nick Cage movie warrants a public apology, especially this one, but not the Emmy skit.

Insane is the new Patriotism

2006-08-29T17:05:00.000-04:00

I was over at John Mark Karr's house the other night, we were hanging out watching him on CNN and eating Cheetos, and a news report came on about NBC having to issue an apology over the Lost parody that they shot with Conan O'Brien for the Emmy's. If you missed it, check it out here.

Now, I made the point to JMK (that's what his buddies call him) that there is no reason for NBC to apologize for something that HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLANE ACCIDENT THAT HAPPENED THAT MORNING! ...but John wouldn't listen, he was busy with his Barbie Makeup Kit with witch, by the way, he is a master of cosmetology.

Are Americans so completely overly sensitive that they cannot seperate these things in their minds? Or are we all just that stupid?

"Ut OH!! I see a plane crash on a TV program and now I feel offended over something similar, but unrelated that happened 15 minutes ago! Someone had better say they are sorry or else I might complain more and possibly feel sad until I find something else to act stupid over!"

However, when the very first episode of Lost aired on Sept. 22, 2004 - I was VERY offended because it reminded me of Pan Am Flight 103. I am just THAT stupid....

JMK does agree with me. He thinks that people should mind their own damn business and just leave each other alone instead of arresting them in Bangkok, Thailand, turning them over to U.S. agents and flying them to Los Angeles, California, where they are arrested for the murder of a child that happened ten years ago, but they might have confessed to due to some strong Thai hash they smoked that night....and people should also not take each other to Boulder, Colorado for further investigation, and then have prosecutors announced they had decided not to pursue charges in connection with the murder after DNA tests failed to place them at the scene. Most of all, people should not keep each other in jail in Boulder, waiting for extradition to Sonoma County, California where they face unrelated misdemeanor child porn charges. THAT IS JUST WRONG.

Especially when there are drunken pilots running around in Kentucky screwing up NBC's ratings.

Robocreep

2006-08-28T16:37:00.000-04:00

I was watching TV this weekend and passed by Robocop on some station.

...that's when I realized that John Mark Carr looks like Peter Weller!

See?

How did you get here?

2006-08-28T07:13:00.000-04:00

Ok gang, it's another Monday, another week, let's look over some of the top web searches that brought people to this site. Whether it's Google or Yahoo, CNN.com or Dogpile.com - if you are not a regular reader then you found me somehow and my bet is that you were searching for something weird...so let's play:

Which Search Brought You Here?

ibar Manhattan
exploding coffee pot injury
loaf pincher
seminal fluid while getting a massage
Define: Hard-on
Caroline Rey (for those of you still misspelling Rhea)
Juggs Feb 2006 magazine
3 armed boy
lazy husband
urine stain from pillowtop bed
stupid america stories (personal favorite!)
how did denise richards get back into shape?
"turned panhandler"
jobs for male prostitutes
thailand hooker herpes
crown royal
give husband handjob every day
death puns
yummy jagermeister
jager bombs
the KFC song got soul
how to kill my husband (not made up, I take NO responsibility if this site assits you!)
plans gone wrong
genitals caught in mailbox (other personal favorite)
"your inner whore"
i am mad at 93.9 format change
some thing not real

If you come across any good ones, let me know!

All New Website

2006-08-25T08:59:00.001-04:00

...go to it, NOW!

The Variety SHAC

New features, updated info and all kinds of cool stuff.

Please Kill Me

2006-08-21T17:25:00.000-04:00

before I have to hear another Snakes on a Plane joke, Samuel L. Jackson joke, or comedic use of Samuel L. Jackson saying " mutherf*ckin' " in reference to snakes, planes or shooting something.

Just put the warm pillow that is the internet over my face and gently press
until I reach eternal blogger sleep.

Pardon me, eternal mutherf*ckin' sleep.

Nothing is Finer

2006-08-21T08:00:00.000-04:00

When visiting upstate NY, be sure to stop by a Stewart's Shop for their delicious ice cream with signature topping "Waste"

Yummers!

[Photo of "Derrick The Ice Cream Artist" swiped from Blindcavefish]

News?

2006-08-21T07:12:00.000-04:00

LA Loses Its Lone Country Music Station, 200 Hayseed Goons In Shock

By Gilligan Phallus , 08.20.2006, 07:00 AM

There is a tear in the beer of country music fans here.

After more than 20 years on the air, the Los Angeles’ only country music station, KZLA-FM, abruptly left the air last Thursday and was seamlessly replaced with the rhythmic pop of "Shakin' That Azz 93.9," which plays artists such as Beyonce, Janet Jackson and Diddy’s All-American Fife and Drum Corps, Beotch.

KZLA's sudden and unannounced demise leaves America's two most populous cities, Los Angeles and New York, without country music stations. This is not surprising because these cities are not only the most populous but fill the smallest demographic for country radio stations, namely “D&I 18-35”, deformed and inbred listeners 18-35 years old.

In Los Angeles, longtime country fans and station employees wondered at the logic of ending country radio in their city, but soon realized that KZLA’s station manager’s statement “Country music totally blows” rings true. The station's last day coincided with opening night of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill's "Soul II Soul" concert -not to be confused with Soul II Soul’s Fall 2006 tour entitled “The Hillbilly & The Hottie” (get out your Funki Dred, Jazzie B!). In an interview before the show McGraw stated “…[with KZLA going off the air] no one will hear country music in LA…dang.” Dang indeed, Tim.

"Country is certainly well represented in product sales there and it gets good concert stops," said Vic Sansono, chairman of the board of the Nashville-based Country Music Association. "That station's been country for a barrel of years. Too bad they could stay above the snakes, you know beat the dutch, but there’s no point in barkin’ at the knot. They didn’t mean to dry gulch the listeners with this coming to a cropper, but there was no reason ta hang fire." Riiiiiiight.

The transition by Enniss Communications was swift and shocking for listeners, who heard George Strait and Keith Urban in the morning and Pink and the Black Eyed Peas by lunchtime later followed by dinner with Usher and a late night snack as Gwen Stephani debuted her new song “Just Wet Queefs and a Beat” Even the station's veteran morning crew, including Horis “The Rapist” Horisby, didn't know of the format change until just minutes before it happened.

The host of the midmorning show, Earl Clansmember, said he was told just after he started his shift that the station would be changing styles. He queued up Keith Urban's "Tonight I Wanna Cry" at 10:18 a.m., which segued into the Black Eyed Peas' "Let's Get It Started" seven minutes later. Then he left the air stating “ I cain’t DO this, I ain’t accustom ta the popular music. I just cain’t They wanna have me play black music!”

"It's a bitter pill to swallow. The thing I have a hard time with is the listeners. They deserve more than that, that SEX music ," said Horisby, who has long been the voice of television's Academy of Country Music Awards. "I went to my e-mail 3 1/2 hours later and I had 2,100 e-mails. My phone has not stopped a-ringing fo ‘most 24 hours. We are scramblin’ ta calm these hillbillys fo’ there’s some kinda hullabaloo!"

Jeneralli Hipchic, vice president of the radio division, said the format change was a "better business decision. Fuck the 200 goons that listen to this crap, this is LA not Cowtown USA. We’ve got Paris Hilton and that other one, we don’t need Faith and Shania."

"This could very well be a market leader," she said of Shakin' That Azz 93.9. "It looks really good, and based on our early feedback, it doesn’t sound like country music."

For most country fans, however, the switch didn't sit well.

Eric Horserental, a 22-year-old barn manager at in Glendale, got out of his truck for a few minutes Thursday morning to drop off a horse. When he hopped back in, the radio was blaring Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean."

"I got back in my truck and they weren't there anymore. I called my wife and said, `What the hell's going on? They've changed their format ta that neee-grow music!" said Horserental, who has listened to KZLA since he was a child. "It looks like I'm gonna have ta go back ta them cass-ette tapes to get my country."

Sorry Eric, cass-ette tapes it'll have to be.

Brand New

2006-08-14T09:44:00.000-04:00

A brand new word was invented on my recent "tour" of NY State.

Don't ask how this came about.

fire·rrhe·a also fire·ar·rhoe·a (d-r)n.
Excessive and frequent evacuation of watery, "burning" feces, usually indicating gastrointestinal distress or disorder after eating overly spicy foods.

I hope you never have to use this new word.

Much like fire and diarrhea, firerrhea is NOT to be played with.

Awesome News, Everyone!

2006-08-02T08:00:00.000-04:00

Castro has relinquished power to MEEEEEE!!!!!

¡En este tiempo, doy la vuelta a autoridad

a mi hermano, mi perro… DRUE!

But seriously....

How much do you wanna bet that Bush gets involved and f**ks this all up for the people of Cuba?

"I just wanna liberate the Cubans, it just HAPPENS that they all ended up in Guantanamo...it's still Cuba!"

The Greatest

2006-07-26T16:43:00.000-04:00

I find it SO amusing that month after month the
greatest accomplishment of BUOMBY is that I managed to
draw 100% of Caroline Rey's internet traffic.

All it took was a few posts, Caroline. All those fans out there....they're just
DYING for you to give them a place on the internet!

So Sad.

My next accomplishment, you ask?

Getting all Google hits for Ripple boob, My Lazy Husband, and for all you
Norwegian readers out there that, like me, just can't seem to
spell anything - "cut my gentials"

Much like Caroline Rey is huge in "corpulence kind of way",

I am huge in a "Norwegians with spelling problems kind of way"

It's good to kno your audeience, righht poeple?

Finally going away...

2006-07-25T17:30:00.000-04:00

I think that "You're Beautiful" is finally going away. I am hearing it less and less, and that warms my cockles. I like my cockles warmed...but not hot.

I do have to give James Blunt some props...that sappy song got a pretty long run. Must have made him a boatload of cash.

I also have to give him credit for being a versatile musician. I had no idea that he played piano, guitar, keyboard, drums and a few other things. In fact, he played every part on that crappy song.

Which means every instrument was a BLUNT INSTRUMENT!

HA! Get it, Blunt.....instrument...... eh.

Update

2006-07-25T10:07:00.000-04:00

The members of Motley Crue that are not Tommy Lee and I are getting married.

...and we will be adopting Michael Jackson.

sorry.

Almost Vacation... I'm going a little nuts.

Announcement....

2006-07-24T17:53:00.000-04:00

Pamela Anderson and I are getting married.

(just as soon as she gets divorced from Kid Rock)